Author Topic: Funny stuff  (Read 101029 times)

Offline MasterBlaster

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #60 on: September 24, 2010, 06:40:31 PM »
I got nothin'
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #61 on: September 24, 2010, 08:00:30 PM »
Elaborate
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #62 on: September 25, 2010, 08:06:52 AM »
THE FIVE AFFAIRS: The 1st Affair



A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.

One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'





The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'







The 3rd Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'




The 4th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'



The 5th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'


IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #63 on: October 20, 2010, 08:30:12 PM »
I'll take 2 boxes....
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #64 on: October 20, 2010, 08:45:04 PM »
Best things in life...
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline OCCD

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #65 on: October 20, 2010, 09:05:35 PM »
Nice!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Do you want ants? Because THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS!

Offline OCCD

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #66 on: October 20, 2010, 09:06:53 PM »
I'll take 2 boxes....

Now that is really f**king funny!!!!!!
Do you want ants? Because THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS!

Offline Falcon

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #67 on: October 20, 2010, 10:05:20 PM »
Very funny, and very nice.

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #68 on: October 28, 2010, 08:04:41 AM »
A DYING HUSBAND..........A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a Coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have Been with me all through the bad times.


When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.


When I got shot by that robber, you were by my side.


When we lost the house, you stayed right there.


When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'


'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

'I think you're bad luck... Get the f**k away from me.'
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #69 on: October 29, 2010, 06:28:34 PM »
I NEED A MERIT BADGE!!!!
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline OCCD

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Do you want ants? Because THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS!

Offline TNRabbit

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #71 on: November 02, 2010, 04:53:04 PM »


Saudis in Audis


....coveryourfacebook....HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHH~

« Last Edit: November 02, 2010, 10:02:41 PM by Master Blaster »
TNRabbit


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Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #72 on: November 02, 2010, 06:03:31 PM »
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #73 on: November 02, 2010, 06:05:55 PM »
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline wkhanna

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #74 on: November 03, 2010, 08:25:45 PM »
As a 2nd generation Arab-American & the owner of 2 A4's (one for my wife & one for me) I have to say I find this video absolutely -----



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