Author Topic: This is funny!!!  (Read 21525 times)

Offline OCCD

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This is funny!!!
« on: November 25, 2009, 02:28:37 AM »
Que?
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Offline DaveS

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #1 on: November 25, 2009, 03:04:35 AM »
I have got to send that to RobertR in China, he`s there till May translating Chineese to English !!!!!!!!!!!

Offline OCCD

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #2 on: November 25, 2009, 03:10:28 AM »
Definitely.
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Offline thuffman03

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #3 on: November 25, 2009, 09:16:35 AM »
Nice one!  Some things just don't translate sometimes the way one would think. ;D
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Offline BB3

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #4 on: November 25, 2009, 09:48:52 AM »
That's Frickin' Hilarious. ;D-----BILL
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Offline Kingman

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2009, 05:28:35 PM »
Buck Cherry T
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline MasterBlaster

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2009, 09:00:40 AM »
BustAss Sir!!!!

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Offline BB3

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2009, 12:39:13 PM »
AL, Where In The Hell Did You Get That ?? hehehehe------BILL
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Offline OCCD

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2009, 08:25:47 PM »
Do you want ants? Because THAT'S HOW YOU GET ANTS!

Offline OCCD

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2010, 12:19:16 AM »
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people  actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court  reporters who had the torment of staying calm  while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY:  Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie  there.  
  ____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  This myasthenia  gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what  ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?    
 ___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you  know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both  do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do

WITNESS:  Yes, voodoo.                                

__________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person

dies in his sleep, he doesn't  know about it until the next

morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

___________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how

old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you  present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date  of conception (of the baby) was

August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: getting laid
                                
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had  three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were  boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new  attorney?
                              
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a  guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and  had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the  Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant

to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how  many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.    
 _________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your  responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS:  Oral.                                _________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the

body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS:  If not, he was by the time I finished.
                                
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
                                
______________________________________
And the best  for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,

did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

 

 
« Last Edit: January 13, 2010, 02:36:00 PM by OCCD »
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Offline F1nut

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2010, 02:13:12 AM »
Great stuff Tom, thanks!
  'Political Correctness'.........defined

"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
 

Offline Kingman

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2010, 04:42:39 AM »
:P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P :P
IN REALITY IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU!!!!!

Offline BB3

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2010, 11:25:32 AM »
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE............

Thanks For Posting That Tom.-------BILL(BB3)
Carver Gear : C-9, C-16, C-19, 4-TFM 55's, 2-TFM 35's, 1-TFM 25, 2- Silver 7T's, 490T

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Offline OCCD

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #13 on: February 20, 2010, 12:51:13 PM »
MORE Funny stuff! ;)  Take the quizzes.

http://theoatmeal.com/quizzes
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Offline OCCD

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Re: This is funny!!!
« Reply #14 on: June 19, 2010, 06:18:06 PM »
Kevin Pollak - Christopher Walken Impression




Jay Mohr - Christopher Walken "No Tail"




Lady Gaga's Poker Face read by Christopher Walken - Friday Night with Jonathan Ross - BBC One
« Last Edit: June 19, 2010, 06:31:01 PM by OCCD »
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