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Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 303772 times)

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #675 on: November 29, 2017, 06:37:09 AM »
"Doctor, there's a patient in room 8 that says he's invisible"... "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #676 on: December 02, 2017, 07:28:02 AM »
What do politicians and porn stars have most in common? They're experts at switching positions in front of the camera.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #677 on: December 04, 2017, 06:49:43 AM »
Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #678 on: December 05, 2017, 07:25:13 AM »
My psychiatrist said I was pre-occupied with the vengeance... I told him "oh yeah... we'll see about that!"
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #679 on: December 08, 2017, 08:25:24 AM »
Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them. ;)
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #680 on: December 09, 2017, 07:17:10 AM »
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
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Offline Jim Pittsburgh

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #681 on: December 09, 2017, 09:27:49 AM »
I like that.....
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a bunch of nice sounding stuff. Nice that I'm finally able to actually listen to file music for the first time...

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #682 on: December 10, 2017, 09:25:47 AM »
Pick up line...Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours!
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #683 on: December 12, 2017, 06:18:14 AM »
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #684 on: December 13, 2017, 09:13:49 AM »
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #685 on: December 16, 2017, 11:18:38 AM »
The last person that was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #686 on: December 20, 2017, 06:36:22 AM »
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #687 on: December 21, 2017, 07:28:45 AM »
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #688 on: December 26, 2017, 01:33:35 PM »
The psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #689 on: December 27, 2017, 06:45:49 AM »
Remember half the people you know are below average.
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