I lost the bar trivia contest last night by one point. The last question was where do women have the curliest hair? Apparently, the answer is Fiji.....
Thanks! I was beginning to think no one up there had a sense of humor.
And you know if you watch my fix something the price is double ;)
Going to church does not make a person religious, nor does going to school make a person educated, any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....................Thanks for posting Kingman.----Bill
Most women don't know where to look when they're eating a banana.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!!!
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains than a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving after a "social session" with friends.
Well, this past Saturday, I was out on a pre-Christmas evening with long-lost friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of cold beer. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the freeway, but since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and surprise, because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Happy New Year
Good one! That made me chuckle. Thanks.
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you about drinking and driving after a "social session" with friends.
Well, this past Saturday, I was out on a pre-Christmas evening with long-lost friends. I had a few cocktails, followed by a handful of glasses of cold beer. Despite the jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the freeway, but since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and surprise, because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Happy New Year
My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt. So I f**ed her twice and punched her in the face!
Petting? pussy? wasn't there a story about Johnny Carson and Racheal Welch about that, or a cat or something? www.youtube.com/embed/wRR1aKBOCOQ (http://www.youtube.com/embed/wRR1aKBOCOQ)
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!
The word "Boob" is the Perfect word. The B looks like a top view of them, the 2 Os look like a front view, and the b looks like a side view. perfectly engineered!
Do you make this stuff up? Genius I tell you.
SIMPLE TRUTH 1AMEN!!!
Partners help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own.
Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.
SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".
But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".
Moral of the story:
"Hard work is never appreciated”
Q: Why does Bearjew like to watch porno movies backwards?
A: He likes the part where the prostitute gives the money back. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Underbite?I see you have experience!!!! :laugh:
Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while you are having sex?
A. Call her and tell her. :-*
For Pepe...What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? Quatro sink-o!
Contrary to popular belief, quitting drinking will not make you live longer... it'll just seem longer.Thanks for starting this thread back up!!! ;D
:laugh:
I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
I'm currently helping my wife look for her chocolates that I ate last Friday.
I'm currently helping my wife look for her chocolates that I ate last Friday.
When your kids are little you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.
Hipsters are what happen when you tell every child that they're special.
excellent.... and welcome back.Thanks Jim...been busy lately...
Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head.
amen to that!Which do you think most of us have Jim??? :laugh:
How do they get deer to cross the road at the yellow sign?
Nice to see you posting again.... it had been a whileThanks Jim!...I believe it's easier to get through ever day with a laugh.
Dude, where have you been hiding? Merry Christmas!Merry Christmas Jim...a little late! LOL!
You're on a roll man. lolThanks Jim! I hope that these are being read. I like a little humor to start the day.
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.It might be funny, but it is sad.
Forum keeps cutting my posts off???? Anyone else have this problem or are ya'll just tired of my shit! LOL!!!!!
Forum keeps cutting my posts off???? Anyone else have this problem or are ya'll just tired of my shit! LOL!!!!!
Forum keeps cutting my posts off???? Anyone else have this problem or are ya'll just tired of my shit! LOL!!!!!
I enjoy them, but don't comment...keep them coming.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. ..
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. ..
Kingman, I'm a fan of your thread :)
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
A dying-of-thirst man is crawling through the desert and comes upon a tie salesman. He cries out,
Can't say I've heard of Bojak Horseman.
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"Thank you for keeping the thread alive :)
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"I should upgrade the forum engine for "likes"!
A neutron walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer. How much will that be?" The bartender responds, "For you? No charge!"
A neutron walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer. How much will that be?" The bartender responds, "For you? No charge!"
Or groans.
A man takes his wife to get tested for coronavirus. Several days go by and he receives a call from the Dr.!!!
The Dr tells him, "Due to an unfortunate mixup in the lab, we're not sure if your wife has Covid-19 or Alzheimers."
The man is clearly frustrated and asks, "Well what I am supposed to do with that information?"
The Dr calmy suggests, "I recommend you take her for a very long walk and leave her. If she comes home, don't let her in."
That was funny! Even if I am a "Trump" guy... :0THIS is funny - you did a coming-out ;)
Ok, I love that tone.
That's a pathetic reason to vote for anyone, let alone tRump. Were you one of his followers that injected Lysol? Or are you one of his "good people" that are paid to put on shows at state capitals.
You forgot about the third one, who does nothing but call them names.
On a serious note, these are just jokes. Perhaps I should avoid the hot button topics.
Never met Kingman, miss his daily starters. Maybe we can continue the thread?
However, for the time being nothing but inside jokes.
Going to pick up tonight, so not sure how long the link will work. I have a screenshot, but too lazy to upload right now.
https://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/msg/d/glenshaw-fear-and-loathing-in-pittsburgh/7125271758.html
Going to pick up tonight, so not sure how long the link will work. I have a screenshot, but too lazy to upload right now.
https://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/msg/d/glenshaw-fear-and-loathing-in-pittsburgh/7125271758.html
Good price for an excellent unit. Did you put this in daily starters because of his write up?
Going to pick up tonight, so not sure how long the link will work. I have a screenshot, but too lazy to upload right now.
https://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/msg/d/glenshaw-fear-and-loathing-in-pittsburgh/7125271758.html
Good price for an excellent unit. Did you put this in daily starters because of his write up?
I emailed him and asked if he had any Ibogaine....
Yes, I thought it was funny. At least better than 99% of the ads on CL. He said he got some negative responses, some people are just angry I guess. Anyhow, $40 is a good deal.
** Everyone was excited at the Autopsy Club...it was open Mike night. **
NOW THAT WAS FUNNY!!
What's the difference between fiction and reality?It's not a joke, unfortunately...
Fiction has to make sense.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord. So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
This year I'll be saving money on Christmas gifts by bringing up politics at Thanksgiving dinner.+
The father says, It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess. They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.That's amazing!
The boy says, Dark in here.
The priest says, Do not start that shit again.
Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, give a man a bank and he'll rob everyone.
Glad you are feeling well enough to post.
I was on a diabetes awareness website...it asked if I accepted cookies. Oh the irony.
This year, MTV turns 40. Thanks for 14 years of music.