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Author Topic: Funny stuff  (Read 122612 times)

Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #75 on: November 08, 2010, 06:25:59 PM »
A Good trade.....Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of
The White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and said:

"Nice pigs, sir."
The President replied: "These are not pigs.  These are
authentic  Arkansas Razorback Hogs.  I got one for Secretary of State
Hillary Clinton, and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."

The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and said,

"Excellent trade, sir."
 
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Offline OCCD

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #76 on: November 08, 2010, 08:15:04 PM »
It it were only that easy... :P
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Offline wkhanna

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #77 on: November 08, 2010, 09:46:07 PM »
So George W is on the promotional circuit touting a book he said he wrote.

Very impressive for someone who obviously never read one.
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Offline OCCD

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #78 on: November 08, 2010, 10:13:08 PM »
Bill, that is what spell check is for.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #79 on: November 12, 2010, 10:38:51 AM »
  The girls better look out for spiders.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
         A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

 
         He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

 
        Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

 
         Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

 
         He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.







 
         
 
         He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

 
         'Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.

 
         'They're mating,' her father replied.
         
        'What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.

 
        a Daddy Longlegs,' her father answered.

 
       'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.

 
        As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.'

 
         'The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted her foot and stomped them flat.

 
       'Well", she said, "that may be OK in California , but we're not having any of that shit in Alabama."















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Offline thuffman03

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #80 on: November 12, 2010, 11:15:56 AM »
Very funny Kingman!
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Offline MasterBlaster

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #81 on: November 12, 2010, 02:49:47 PM »
A man goes to hell and the devil greets him. He takes him to a hallway which has three different doors and tell the man he’ll have to choose one room to spend the rest of eternity in.

So he takes him to the first door and he opens it and sees everyone standing on their heads on wooden floors. The man thought that would be pretty terrible to spend the rest of eternity on his head on such a hard floor and asked the devil to show him the second door.

Everyone in the second room was standing on their heads on concrete. The man thought that was even worse to spend the rest of eternity on his head on an even harder floor.

Finally the devil takes him to the third door and in that room everyone is up to their knees in dog shit and drinking coffee. The man thought that was pretty bad, but at least they could drink coffee so he told the devil he chose the third room to spend the rest of eternity in.

So the man, up to his knees in dog shit, drank coffee for a few minutes. Then the devil came back into the room and said “Coffee break is over. Back on your heads.”
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #82 on: November 12, 2010, 03:40:27 PM »
 :P :P :P...good one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Offline thuffman03

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #83 on: November 12, 2010, 03:49:31 PM »
Good one MB!
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Offline MasterBlaster

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #84 on: November 13, 2010, 01:10:17 AM »
Women do understand electronics.

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Offline rgpit

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #85 on: November 13, 2010, 07:59:45 AM »
Quote from: Master Blaster on November 13, 2010, 01:10:17 AM
Women do understand electronics.


The guy had the wrong part ... He should have used a "resist-her".
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Offline MasterBlaster

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #86 on: December 02, 2010, 09:42:22 AM »
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #87 on: December 02, 2010, 09:49:42 AM »
HAAAAAWWWWWWWWHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #88 on: December 11, 2010, 10:24:49 AM »
ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:

In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.

In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.

After 50, they are like onions.'

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,

'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.

In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.

In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.

After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration!


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Offline Slim-Shaddy

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Re: Funny stuff
« Reply #89 on: December 11, 2010, 11:07:07 AM »
I dont want to get old
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