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Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 304079 times)

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #825 on: March 17, 2019, 10:24:19 AM »
My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #826 on: March 18, 2019, 07:59:18 AM »
Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But smoking bacon will cure it.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #827 on: March 20, 2019, 07:47:30 AM »
Crocodiles are easy.
They try to kill and eat you.
People are harder.
Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.
- Steve Irwin (1962 - 2006)
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #828 on: March 22, 2019, 10:18:30 AM »
A colleague asked me how I view Lesbian relationships. Apparently, "in HD" wasn't the correct answer.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #829 on: March 23, 2019, 08:02:52 AM »
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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Offline Jim Pittsburgh

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #830 on: March 23, 2019, 09:56:34 AM »
very good!
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a bunch of nice sounding stuff. Nice that I'm finally able to actually listen to file music for the first time...

Offline MacGeek

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #831 on: March 24, 2019, 04:19:42 PM »
I thought it was called insanity, but after raising two boys, maybe there isn't much difference.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #832 on: March 25, 2019, 12:20:20 PM »
Man is incomplete until he marries...then he's finished.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #833 on: March 26, 2019, 05:00:35 AM »
A man, during his night prays, asks God: "Oh, Lord... Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God replies: "So you can love them, my child."
"Fine, but my Lord, why did you make them so stupid?"
"So that they can love you back, my child...!"
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #834 on: March 28, 2019, 07:36:07 AM »
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
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Offline MacGeek

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #835 on: March 28, 2019, 08:25:56 AM »
Just made me laugh out loud.  Thanks.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #836 on: March 29, 2019, 08:25:57 AM »
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
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Offline Vpgh

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #837 on: March 29, 2019, 03:40:00 PM »
Quote from: Kingman on March 29, 2019, 08:25:57 AM
The 21st century: Deleting history is more important than making it.
It might be funny, but it is sad.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #838 on: March 30, 2019, 06:38:05 AM »
Before sex, you help each other get naked.
After sex, you dress only yourself.
Moral: In life no one helps you once you're f**ked.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #839 on: April 01, 2019, 11:59:16 AM »
Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other.
After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it.
Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?"
"Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response.
Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!!"
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