Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 237539 times)

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1260 on: April 02, 2021, 01:28:25 PM »
Very good.

Offline EmperorNorton

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1261 on: April 03, 2021, 07:35:50 AM »
STal,
Speaking of IKEA, did you ever find a Kallax?  There was a free one offered on Freecycle a couple weeks back that you might have seen.

Mike
Rega Planar 3
WTL TPP
Oppo 103
Musical Fidelity M1 DAC
AR LS-17
Quad II 80 monoblocks
Canton CT-800 speakers

Offline Sir Thrift-a-Lot

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1262 on: April 03, 2021, 10:04:29 AM »
I specifically need a 1x5.   The free one was 2x4.   Thanks.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1263 on: April 03, 2021, 10:34:49 AM »
The jokes about the stuck cargo ship were funny, but that ship has sailed.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1264 on: April 04, 2021, 09:37:47 AM »
How do Amish girls know the difference between a romantic candle lit dinner and normal dinner?

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1265 on: April 05, 2021, 09:15:46 AM »
Yesterday I saw a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems" so I bought two.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1266 on: April 06, 2021, 09:02:17 AM »
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.

He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says you're in a hot air balloon hovering 30 ft above this field.

"You must be an engineer" says the balloonist

I am, replies to man. "How did you know?"

"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says "You must be in management.

" I am" replies a balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "You don't know where you are, where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You are in the same position you were before we met but now it's my fault."

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1267 on: April 07, 2021, 09:14:08 AM »
I called 911 by accident. So I set my neighbor's house on fire so I wouldn't look stupid.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1268 on: April 08, 2021, 08:43:27 AM »
The ketchup packet shortage was predictable. I guess Heinz sight is 2020.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1269 on: April 09, 2021, 09:16:27 AM »
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1270 on: April 11, 2021, 10:14:51 AM »
Prince Philip was talking with Saint Peter. He said he had a good life, he just wished he had a little bit more time.
Saint Peter said "you lived to 99. The guy behind you only lived to 50. Philip turned around to the gentleman and said" Oh, 50, I'm so sorry."
The guy replied "no man, Fifty is still alive, I'm DMX."

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1271 on: April 12, 2021, 09:57:34 AM »
The benefits of frosted glass are unclear.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1272 on: April 13, 2021, 09:18:12 AM »
The CIA had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances . Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."
"You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife".
The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home".
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes,
"I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home"
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.
"The gun was loaded with blanks" she said.
"I had to kill him with the chair"

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1273 on: April 14, 2021, 08:57:41 AM »
"Zoom meetings" is an awful branded name. It should be called something more casual, like "co worker video chat" or "co-vid" for short.

Offline scorpio333

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #1274 on: April 15, 2021, 09:04:49 AM »
Bernie Madoff's Funeral

Sad news today as Bernie Madoff has passed away.

Just before he died however, he asked his friends to chip in to pay for his funeral. But if they get two friends each to chip in too, they get their money back!