Post your favorite Chuck Norris facts here.
1. Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
2. Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
3. Chuck Norris can build a snowman….. out of rain.
4. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
5. Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
6. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
7. When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
8. Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
9. The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
10. Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
11. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
12. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
13. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
14. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
15. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
16. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
17. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
18. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
19. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
20. Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
21. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
22. Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.
23. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
24. Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
25. With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
26. When you say “no one’s perfect”, Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
27. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
28. Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
29. Chuck Norris’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
30. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
31. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
32. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
33. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
34. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
35. Chuck Norris’s house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
36. Chuck Norris doesn’t actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
37. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
38. Newton’s Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction,
there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris turnaround kick.
39. Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise
invented pink.
40. In the beginning there was nothing…then Chuck Norris kicked that nothing in the face and said “Get a job”. That
is the story of the universe.
41. Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.
42. Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
43. Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined “victim” as “one
who has encountered Chuck Norris”
44. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
45. If you Google search “Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
it shows now 400+ results. Thanks to these facts.
46. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
47. Chuck Norris doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
48. Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
49. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
50. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decedents now have white hair.
