......................................................... My wife sat down
> on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She
> asked, 'What's on
> TV?'
> I
> said,
> 'Dust.'
> And
> then the fight
> started...
> -----------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> My
> wife was
> hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> anniversary. She said, 'I want
> something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds.'
> I
> bought her a
> scale.
> And
> then the fight
> started...
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
>
> When
> I got home
> last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
> expensive... so, I took
> her to a gas station.
> And
> then the fight
> started...
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> After
> retiring, I
> went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
> Security. The woman
> behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
> to verify my age. I looked
> in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
> I told the woman that
> I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come
> back
> later.
> The
> woman said,
> 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
> revealing my curly silver hair.
> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
> enough for me' and she
> processed my Social Security
> application.
> When
> I got home, I
> excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
> Security
> office.
> She
> said, 'You
> should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
> disability,
> too.'
> And
> then the fight
> started...
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> My
> wife and I were
> sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept
> staring at a drunken
> lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
> table.
> My
> wife asked, 'Do
> you know her?'
> 'Yes,'
> I sighed,
> 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took
> to drinking right after we
> split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
> been sober
> since.'
> 'My
> God!' says my
> wife, 'who would think a person could go on
> celebrating that
> long?'
> And
> then the fight
> started...
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> I
> took my wife to
> a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
> first.
> "I'll
> have the
> strip steak, medium rare, please."
>
> He
> said, "Aren't
> you worried about the mad
> cow?""
> Nah,
> she can order
> for herself."
> And
> then the fight
> started...
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> A
> woman is
> standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
> happy with what she
> sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
> look old, fat and ugly. I
> really need you to pay me a
> compliment.'
> The
> husband
> replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
> perfect.'
> And
> then the fight
> started.....
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> I
> tried to talk my
> wife into buying a case of Miller Light for
> $14.95.
> Instead,
> she
> bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
> I
> told her the
> beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream.
> And
> then the fight
> started....
>
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> My
> wife asked me
> if a certain dress made her butt look
> big.
> I
> told her not as
> much as the dress she wore yesterday.
> and
> then the fight
> started.....
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> A
> man and a woman
> were asleep like two innocent babies.
> Suddenly,
> at 3
> o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
> outside.
> The
> woman,
> bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
> 'Holy crap. That must
> be my husband!'
> So
> the man jumped
> out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window.
> He smashed himself on
> the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as
> fast as he could
> go.
> A
> few minutes
> later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed
> at the woman, 'I AM
> your husband!'
> The
> woman yelled
> back, 'Yeah, then why were you
> running?'
> And
> then the fight
> started.....
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> Saturday
> morning I
> got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the
> dog, and slipped
> quietly into the garage.
> I
> hooked up the
> boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
> torrential
> downpour.
> The
> wind was
> blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned
> on the radio, and
> discovered that the weather would be bad all
> day.
> I
> went back into
> the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
>
> I
> cuddled up to my
> wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
> whispered, 'The weather
> out there is terrible.'
> My
> loving wife of
> 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
> is out fishing in
> that?'
> And
> then the fight
> started ...
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> I
> asked my wife,
> "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?
> "
> It
> warmed my heart
> to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
> "Somewhere I haven't been in a
> long time!" she said.
> So
> I suggested,
> "How about the kitchen?"
> And
> that's when
> the fight started....
> ------------
>
> --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------
> ---------
> My
> wife and I are
> watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
> bed. I turned to her
> and said, "Do you want to have
> sex?"
> "No,"
> she
> answered.
> I
> then said, "Is
> that your final answer?"
> She
> didn't even
> look at me this time, simply saying
> "Yes."
> So
> I said, "Then
> I'd like to phone a friend."
> And
> that's when
> the fight
> started....
>
