Author Topic: Daily starters  (Read 254199 times)

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #195 on: November 13, 2012, 05:18:39 AM »

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #196 on: November 14, 2012, 01:42:40 PM »

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel....
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #197 on: November 15, 2012, 01:08:32 PM »

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #198 on: November 17, 2012, 06:42:10 AM »

You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'f**k it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #199 on: November 20, 2012, 05:46:19 AM »

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

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OldiesButGoodies

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #200 on: November 21, 2012, 08:43:48 AM »
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #201 on: December 06, 2012, 09:24:18 AM »

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

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Offline MacGeek

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #202 on: December 06, 2012, 05:47:45 PM »
 A new phenomenon called
E-MOONING
We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:
 
:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) an ass hole

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

Don't have one for a smelly ass.
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #203 on: December 09, 2012, 08:54:50 AM »

When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?

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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #204 on: December 12, 2012, 07:22:23 AM »

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

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Offline MacGeek

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #205 on: December 12, 2012, 03:47:31 PM »
Biology Exam

Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother' Milk.?
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
 
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
However, he wrote:
 
1) It is the perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
 
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
 
7) It comes in two attractive containers and
it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
 
He got an A.
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #206 on: December 13, 2012, 06:25:25 AM »

The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you.

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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #207 on: December 15, 2012, 10:30:41 AM »

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #208 on: December 16, 2012, 10:01:25 AM »
The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy.
Jim Rohn
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Offline Kingman

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Re: Daily starters
« Reply #209 on: December 19, 2012, 09:05:30 PM »

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

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