Funny stuff

[Kingman]

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom : "Now what do I do?"

Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some f**king ice cream."

[geoffr]

Two women are walking across  a bridge. One says that she always wanted to pee off a bridge, like men do. Her friend looks around and says go ahead, we're alone.  She pulls down her pants, sits up on the railing and looks over her shoulder. "Oh look, I'll pee in that canoe down there". Her friend looks over the railing and says "That's your reflection, not a canoe"